The Guinea Tee Rules

By Tony Russo

It came to my attention this week that the term “Guinea Tee” is not as widely used as one might think. In fact, by this point half of you are as surprised as I and the other half are awaiting the definition in the next sentence.

A “Guinea Tee” is a sleeveless strap-type tee shirt, also colloquially called a “wife beater”. Since I’ve yet to meet anyone unfamiliar with that phrase, I’m going to assume that you’re all on board. Also, I understand that “Guinea” has epithet status but direct you to the vowel at the end of my byline and ask your forgiveness.

One of our favorite topics on the Todcast is the radical distinction between my co-host Todd DeHart’s love for Ocean City and my, um, less-than-that.

One of my very not-favorite things about the Boardwalk during the summertime are the shirtless men. Now. I’m the kind of guy who should only be shirtless minutes before getting into the ocean but no matter how respectable a body you have, for the love of God, I would prefer to see it under a shirt once the sun sets.

As I was explaining this to Todd, I qualified, saying that even a Guinea Tee wold be preferable to nothing. This is when I learned how few people use this term and when I rose to the challenge of distinguishing between a Guinea Tee and a wife beater — the shirt’s condition.

So for the record and according to the Todcast, a Guinea Tee is clean and white and barely passable as primary torso covering. A wife beater is stained, faded, torn or all three.

Anything with color is a tank top.

Once that was straight I proposed that I might invest in a gross of Guinea Tees and spend the occasional summer night on the Boardwalk passing them out to the shirtless. I’d call myself Guinea Claus.

Moving on.

We also had one of our Gee Williams/Michael Day love-fests. During the State of the Beer Bryan Brushmiller was talking about how Day had helped him with his facade grant (he helps everyone, see Page 1). Todd has taken the Mayor as a potential role-model although he continues to insist that his ultimate plan is to unseat him and takes his place.