The Heat Is On

By Tony Russo
Contributing Conspiracy Theorist

More and more often I get cigarette-bust press releases and have spoken about them here and at length before. But during this week’s Todcast, I hit upon a conspiracy theory of such breadth it is certainly as true as it is made up and unconfirmable. The best part is, it gives us the opportunity to get in the Gen Xer way back machine and travel to the mystical and mystifying 1980s.

The increased focus on cigarette tax evaders is really an attempt by law enforcement to discover which cops are rogue enough to still be good guys. Consider Eddy Murphy:

During his overzealous pursuit of cigarette smugglers at the beginning of Beverly Hills Cop, he bent a few rules but saved Detroit (or wherever) a ton of tax money by busting the cigarette baddies. Eventually, through a plot line that still makes sense today, this lead him to a huge drug bust that eventually made California the drug-free zone it is today.

Unfortunately, this was fiction. But — so my made up police thinking goes — if there is a wild cigarette bust made by just the right officer, that officer will solve the nation’s drug problem during his or her “administrative vacation”.

My theory fell on less than interested ears, but when a trooper from the Berlin Barracks is honored for solving the drug problem, remember where you heard it first.

In non-made up news, Todd brought us up to speed on the Pirate Rob Birthday Bash which featured local favorite Bryan Russo (still no relation) among others.

Mark Huey, who is either a member of the audience or a member of the Todcast proper — we’re not 100 percent sure — chimed in with Bryan Brushmiller during the State of the Beer to bring us up to speed on the epic “King of Pong” event at Burley Oak last weekend.

Reports of having a movie star slinging beer were as believable to me as my cigarette conspiracy theory was to them, but live and let live. After all, it’s just the Internet.

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